[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”auto” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]My pronouns are she/her, but I’ve been experiencing with she/they, which I also like. I’m bisexual, and my gender is maybe cis, maybe enby, maybe both (bigender), but right now I don’t really know or care. I am from the Netherlands.[/dropshadowbox]

What does being bisexual mean to you?

How I see bisexuality is attraction to multiple genders. I do not care how many, or if it is with a preference, if you like the label bi, then use it.

What is your romantic orientation?

Idk, I wouldn’t really see myself with a girl, but that’s mostly internalised homophobia, I think. So I would say still biromantic, but I could describe it as omniromantic.

Is your bisexuality evenly split or do you have a stronger preference for a gender than another?

Again, internalised homophobia plays a role here. I would rather be in a relationship with a guy, but for the rest it is 50/50. Whenever some asks me this, I always say something like:

‘Girls are really pretty, but guys are so cute! But then, girls are too. But all the pretty ones are straight. And guys are really charming, but girls….’. And that goes on for a long time.

How do you feel about the 50/50 myth and assigning percentage to bisexuality?

Not everyone is 50/50. That is a myth. Some people are, but most are not. Assigning percentage seems nice when you hear it from others, but if I were to say my ‘percentage’, I would not know what to do. Just don’t ask people for it, alright. Let people be bi, it doesn’t matter if they have a preference. Even if you were ‘99/1’, if you are not ‘100/0’, you can be bi.

Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?

Idk man.

Why do you think so many people have such harsh judgements against people who identify as bisexual?

It seems like they have a lot of reasons, but none of them are good reasons. Here are a few and why I don’t like them:

1. You are gay and in denial. No I am not, guys are attractive, nice and cute!

2. You are a fake gay. Wait, what? Even if I date someone of the opposite gender, I still like women? And why would I fake it? Since when isn’t opposite sex love allowed? I thought LGBTQ+ was all about inclusion?

How do you feel about people who say bisexuals are transphobic?

Bruh, I like trans people and am attracted to them. Is that transphobic?

How did you first discover bisexuality , or the bisexual community?

My best friend is a lesbian, and really attractive. In our group of friends, we would always have a bit or inside joke, that I had a crush on her. We all laughed about it, but I did find her really attractive.

Have you ever experienced internalized homophobia?

Yes, as I said, it would be hard for me to see myself being in a relationship with a girl.

How often do you doubt your bisexuality?

Often I wonder if I actually like girls romantically/sexually, or just aesthetically. I often say to people asking about my sexuality ‘I mean, guys are nice, but girls are too!’, instead of straight-up saying I’m bi.

How did you come to realise that you were bisexual?

As I said, I had this bit where I would ‘have a crush’ on my lesbian and attractive friend. Then, I started looking into it. I mostly went on Reddit, joined every gay/bi/lgbtq+ community I could find and started to realise I like girls too.

How long have you identified as bisexual?

Less than a year.

Have societal pressures ever made you question/suppress your sexuality?

Yes, many people told me I am too young to know, and should wait to adulthood.

Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of bisexuality?

They are used to either gay, or straight. They get confused when there is something in between. ‘So you are gay and straight?’ ‘No, I have only one sexuality.’ ‘But how does that work?’

What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your sexuality?

I haven’t fully come to terms with it yet, but it got a lot better when I told my friends. Now I just act kinda gay around them, which really helped.

Has your understanding of bisexuality shifted since you first learned about it?

Yes, I understand it is sometimes an umbrella term.

What are things about bisexuality you wish people understood better?

You can be bi, and have a preference for the other sex. You can be bi and not be a stereotype bi.

Have you come out as bisexual? If yes, how did you come out?

To my friends, my lesbian friend just said ‘girls are hot’, and I agreed. Everyone was like ‘wait, you’re gay too?’ ‘nah, guys are nice too, im bi’. ‘oh, nice.’

To my parents, it is a different story.

A few months ago, I got some creepy dms on Reddit. Nothing special, but creepy. I told my mom, and she asked me if she could see what I did on Reddit sometimes, just for my own safety. I was part of r/bi_irl, r/bisexual, r/lgbt r/lgbteens, r/lgbtq+ r/birates and so on. I freaked out, scared she would see it, and out of panic, I just broke down crying. I asked, ‘do you really want to know?’ ‘From your reaction, yes, I do.’ ‘One of the subreddits I’m part of is r/bisexual.’ ‘Oh, really, for yourself?’ ‘Yes, I’m pretty sure im bi.’ Then she just told me to not be too fast with putting a label on it, since I am ‘a little young to figure it out’. But everything was fine.

How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?

My family is Christian, big nono.

For my brothers, I’ll just wait till they ask me anything about love or sexuality. Like, when they will (jokingly) ask if there are any cute boys at my school, I will respond by saying there are no nice guys, but the girls are pretty good. One of them will either say im too young, or accept me. The other will ask me if im serious and then fully accept me.

For the rest, I will just wait till they ask me why i look so gay.

What’s the hardest part about coming out?

Finding an occasion, making sure they won’t ‘out’ you, and making sure they’ll accept you.

What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?

still nothing, I will wait until a good person arrives.

What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?

I would like kids, yeah. If I would be in a WLW marriage, i would have kids another way.

Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

Absolutely!

Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?

Yeah, queer, bisexual, and gay (umbrella term because it sounds better).

How do you feel about how bisexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Good, not perfect.

How do you feel about biphobia and bi erasure in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Sad it exists, but luckily there is attention for it.

Do you agree that pride month is necessary?

Month, not really necessary, but fun! If it was just a week, it would be good too.

What are your thoughts about “ally” being added to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?

Yeah, its alright.

What are your thoughts on labels?

Its fine if you use them, its fine if you don’t.

What’d you like to say to people who question bisexuality as a sexual orientation?

Shut up, man.

How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?

I just answer their questions.

What stereotypes about bisexuals do you not relate to?

Cuffing jeans, finger guns.

What stereotypes about bisexuals do you relate to?

Im mostly more a gay stereotype. Sometimes I walk in a by society perceived as ‘gay’ manner, do the gay hand thing and that kind of stuff.

Also, when I watch a movie with a hot guy and a hot girl I panic cause i cant pick one.

What are things to NOT say to a bisexual person?

As long as you don’t have a crush on me.

So you are gay and straight?

So do you like (insert man) ánd (insert woman)?!

Threesome?

What would you like to say to anyone who is bisexual or wondering if they are?

You are valid!!

How involved would you say you are with the bisexual community?

I wish i was more involved, but i like to help questioning people out!

Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?

Both, definitely both.

What would you like to say to queerphobic people?

Learn to validate people, man.

Give a message to the queer community

You are cool.

Tell your story, opinions, experiences.

When I was nine, my friend in elementary school got asked out by the popular kid. She said ‘omg, why does he like me? Im not even pretty enough for him!’ I replied: ‘If I were a boy, I’d also ask you out.’