Walk me through the timeline of your decision not to have children. When did you first have the thought, how did it evolve, and when did it become something you felt certain about?

I was very scared of getting pregnant from a young age and realized early on that I never wanted to be. At first I was open to fostering or adoption but over my 20s and 30s realized I couldn’t see myself taking that on.

What reasons, considerations, or realizations were most important in shaping your decision not to have children?

I was terrified of postpartum with pregnancy due to conditions which would have made that likely. As I got older I realized I didn’t really enjoy being around children for long periods of time so fostering or adopting were also not good options. I like kids short term but am overstimulated by them long term and felt that would not be fair to a child, myself, or any partner involved.

Has your certainty about being childfree ever wavered? What brought on those doubts, and how did you navigate them?

I was always certain I didn’t want to be pregnant. At one point I thought maybe I could be a step parent, foster, or adopt but realized over time I get too overstimulated by children to be a long term caregiver of any kind.

Do you think of being childfree as part of your identity, or more as a personal choice? Why?

Personal choice

Tell me about the language you use around not having children. Does “childfree” feel like the right fit, or do you prefer different terms?

Just childfree

How, if at all, does being childfree reflect your values or priorities?

I feel children should only be taken on by people very committed to their best interest and I did not feel that I could do that. I believe I would be too overwhelmed to be what they would need and deserve.

What does a meaningful, well-lived life look like to you?

Strong connections with partner, friends, etc. Lots of hobbies and interests to enjoy life. Giving back with volunteering when I can.

What does the idea of legacy mean to you, if anything?

It sounds narcissistic to be honest.

Has being childfree been a process of self-discovery for you? If so, in what ways?

No because I was pretty sure I didn’t want kids pretty young. I only stayed marginally open to nonbio kids for a while and then realized even that wasnt for me.

How, if at all, have different aspects of your identity (such as your gender, race or ethnicity, age, religion or spirituality, sexuality, socioeconomic background, disability, neurodivergence, or where you live) shaped your experience of being childfree?

I am neurodivergent and so easily overstimulated. I think that made me realize I wouldnt be able to properly hold space for a child long term. I can be a short term caregiver or volunteer with them but long term is too much.

How does being childfree shape your everyday life? This might include your routines, priorities, flexibility, freedom, or how you spend your time and energy.

I have a lot of time to pursue my own interests.

How has being childfree shaped your financial decisions or relationship with money? This might include saving, spending, financial independence, or how you think about your finances differently than if you’d had children.

Its allowed me to become financially stable after not being so in my 20s.

How does being childfree show up in your home or living space?

I organize my living space how I want (except with my pets in mind). I dont have to make sure things are age appropriate, safe for kids, etc. I can express my style fully.

What role, if any, do pets or animals play in your childfree life? How do you feel about terms like “pet parent” or “fur baby”?

I have 2 cats and a bearded dragon and they allow me to be a caregiver without needing as much from me as a child would.

How has being childfree influenced the career choices you’ve made, if at all? This might include the jobs you’ve pursued, the risks you’ve taken, how you’ve structured your work life, or how you think about work-life balance.

Its allowed me to focus on my career and become financially stable which equals safety for me after financially abusive relationships in my 20s.

How, if at all, has being childfree shaped your experience in the workplace? This might include whether you discuss it openly, workplace culture, assumptions people make about your availability or commitment, opportunities, benefits, bias, relationships with colleagues, or anything else that stands out.

I can travel more easily for work when needed.

Overall, do you see being childfree as a professional advantage, disadvantage, both, or neither?

Advantage

Has being childfree ever come up with healthcare professionals? What was that experience like?

I had a salpingectomy so I had to really impress upon them that I did not want to ever be pregnant in order to get that.

Has contraception or sterilization been part of your journey? If so, what has that experience been like?

Sterilization. I did so after years of bad side effects from multiple types of contraception. It took jumping through some hoops but I found a good doctor to do it and it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

What’s your current relationship status, and how does being childfree factor into it?

Long term partner who also does not want children

Do your family members know about your decision not to have children? Walk me through those conversations. How did different people respond? Where do things stand now? If there are people you haven’t told, what influenced that decision?

Family only knows I dont want them but not about sterilization. Some friends understand and are also child free and others dont but respect it.

How, if at all, has being childfree played out in your friendships? This might include how friends have reacted to your decision, friendships with parents, or anything else that feels relevant.

Some friends didn’t react well to the sterilization part but I didn’t really care

What’s your experience with the childfree community? If you’ve found one, what has it meant to you?

I dont love that they tend to talk badly about children. I really care about children’s wellbeing. I just know long term childcare is not for me.

Outside of close friends and family, how open are you about being childfree? What influences whether you tell people?

Fairly open, more closed off to family actually

What has it been like telling people you’re childfree? Have any conversations or reactions particularly stayed with you, whether positive, negative, or unexpected?

Mostly ok but some ex partners have reacted misogynistically, not believed me, etc

Childfree people often face recurring assumptions about their choice. Below are some of the most common. Feel free to respond to any that have come up in your experience, or that you simply have views on.

Being childfree is selfish.

I think its more selfish to have children you arent equipped for.

You just haven’t met the right person yet.

My body has nothing to do with another person.

You’ll change your mind.

I haven’t and I am in my late 30s, sterilized for almost a decade.

You’ll regret it one day.

Ive only become more steadfast in my decision in the near decade since being sterilized.

You hate kids.

I actually care about kids which is why I wouldnt have one I am not equipped for. I think people who have kids just to have a “mini me”, etc instead of to just raise another person the best they can are the people who actually hate kids.

Your life lacks meaning or purpose.

Not at all. I make meaning in interests, volunteering, work, friends, partner, etc.

You’ll be lonely.

Not at all. Have plenty of friends, a partner, pets, etc

Who will take care of you when you’re older?

I dont care. Children arent a retirement plan.

Is there anything else you’ve encountered or want to address?

I think its odd how so many people think children are objects to fulfill or take care of them but then call child free people selfish. I think its narcissistic to want kids just for what they can do for you. I think the only good reason to have kids is because you feel equipped and called to raise another human to be the best version of themselves.

What are your thoughts on pronatalism?

I think its arrogant to assume you know if humans should or should not procreate. Its also bizarre to me to push people having kids when so many dont have homes already.

What are your thoughts on antinatalism?

I dont think any of us should tell others what to do as long as they respect children as human beings

What are your thoughts on childfree representation? This could include media, books, films, television, social media, or public conversations. Is there anything you’d like to see change or more of?

I dont see a ton of representation and would like there to be more. Especially of women not changing their minds on not having kids

What changes do you think would make society more inclusive for childfree people? This could include policies, institutional practices, or cultural norms.

Just not making having children be the default

How, if at all, does being childfree influence the way you think about aging? This might include things you look forward to, concerns you have, practical considerations, or maybe it’s just not something you think about very much.

It doesnt. Even if i had kids i wouldnt assume they owe me future care.

Have you thought about planning for later life? This might include retirement, healthcare, housing, finances, support networks, emergency contacts, estate planning, or end-of-life preferences.

Yes I have a retirement account I put money in

What resources have been especially meaningful or helpful to you as a childfree person? Are there resources you wish existed?

Finding a doctor to do the sterilization was not easy although i got luckier than most. More resources for that would always be good

Looking back on your childfree life so far, what has surprised you most? What did you not expect about how it would actually feel or unfold?

Can’t think of anything

Is there anything you wish you’d known sooner?

I dont think so.

Tell me about the joys of your childfree life. What are the things that make you grateful for your choice?

My freedom to travel, pursue interests, etc

What do you wish more people understood about what it’s actually like to be childfree?

Nothing other than to mind their own business

Do you have a message for childfree people?

Dont worry what anyone else thinks

Do you have a message for friends or family members of someone who’s childfree?

Respect their choice and realize its far more selfish to have kids you cant or wont care for properly than to choose to not take on childcare you dont want or arent equipped for or both

How do you feel about your childfree life overall? What stands out when you look at the whole picture?

Im glad I have stood my ground on it